Couples Therapy in Seattle

Improve your communication and find safety in connection today

Schedule

Love can be a harbor in a storm

The blinders from the honeymoon phase have come off. The love is there, but, now, so is a pattern of conflict. You feel stuck in misunderstandings and tension. It’s scary to think about what might happen if this pattern continues.

You are not alone, and painful patterns can be broken.

Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy

Few things can make us humans feel more desperate, inadequate, and confused than when we experience repetitive conflict with our loved ones. We’re wired for connection - so why do we feel so lost when it comes to communicating with our partner? The answer is found in the science of connection: attachment science. This is the science that Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is rooted in.

EFT uses a non-pathologizing frame to help us understand why we get stuck. This APA-endorsed model offers compassion for the ways that we inadvertently contribute to our repetitive patterns - and offers simple but profound solutions for how to break free from those patterns.

You deserve to feel empowered to navigate conflict on your own, and I want to help you get there. First, we use a lens of curiosity and compassion to unpack what your specific pattern of conflict looks like. Next, we get to the root of the emotions and attachment needs that drive the conflict. Finally, we take time to consolidate the changes that you have made and find resolution to the problems that once plagued your relationship - without falling into a pattern of conflict that goes nowhere.

Schedule

Who is Relationship Therapy for?

Emotionally-Focused Relationship Therapy is a great option for folks who are struggling with communication in their important relationships.

Important relationships can come in many forms. I specialize in working with the full spectrum of adult relationships. Everyone from married couples to close friends are welcome at Otter Cove Counseling.

EFT has been shown to be effective for both heterosexual and queer relationships. EFT is also helpful for non-monogamous and alternative relationships. Attachment theory does not discriminate - we all long for secure attachment. I welcome the chance to work together, regardless of the shape of your relationship.

Learn more

What couples therapy helps with

Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy helps couples with a myriad of challenges that all humans struggle with in our relationships. Within EFT, there are further niches. Some EFT therapists specialize in working with family systems, with relationships where violence is present, or with healing after an affair. When working work couples, I specialize in using EFT to help couples work through…

Communication incompatibilities
Repetitive communication breakdown and conflict
Struggling to make and execute plans together due to conflict or differing values
Working through ruptures to trust
Exploring non-traditional relationship dynamics
Pre-marital or pre-commitment relationship counseling

What to expect

Emotionally-Focused Therapy is broken down into three parts. First, we get eyes on what we’ll call your “negative cycle.” When triggers happen, does one person get anxious, upset, mad, critical, and blaming? Does the other person respond with defensiveness, reverse-blame, or shut-down? What happens next? Once we are able to step out of the cycle instead of being overwhelmed and reactive within the cycle, we are able to be more conscientious about how to respond to triggers.

But what to do differently when triggers inevitably arise? That’s where part two comes in. This stage helps us discover some of the deeper emotions, needs, and longings that hide beneath the surface of the negative cycle. Sure, maybe you’d like your partner to do the dishes a little more often or give you a break sometimes, but is that the only ask here? Or is part of the longing really about wanting to know that you are enough? To know that your partner still accepts you, that you aren’t “too much” for them? And what would it be like to turn and say those things to your partner directly, to have them lean in, and experience what it’s like for vulnerability to bring you close together instead of pushing the other person away?

Now that the cycle is seen and we know how to break it, we’re ready to take on the world again. Stage three of EFT is the shortest. We spend a few sessions reflecting on the journey and organizing the key take-aways from our process. Now that we can navigate conflict more successfully, we can also spend some time figuring out real, practical solutions to things like dishes or alone time - without falling into that old, familiar negative cycle.

Sessions with me feel like going to the “Feelings Gym”. It might be hard work, but you’ll leave feeling accomplished, stronger, and more flexible. The best part is, you will have a trainer with you the whole time–that’s me. I strive to make sure clients don’t feel alone or overwhelmed. I will be there to support you (and your partner) every step of the way.

How can couples therapy help with communication?

There are different ways to think about why conflict happens. EFT draws on the Theory of Attachment. Attachment theory says simply: we need each other to survive. Our relationships are as important to us as food, shelter, and water. When we experience a threat to these survival methods, we go into fight/flight/freeze. In nature, that threat could be seeing a mountain lion hiding in a tree up ahead. In our relationships, that threat can look like an eye roll, a word, a sigh. Fight, flight, and freeze can certainly be helpful in keeping us safe from mountain lions, but it’s not always the most effective strategy to use with our loved ones. The more that we fight (criticize, attack, blame), flight (withdraw, leave, defend), or freeze (clam up, withdraw, dissociate), the more our partner tends to respond in kind. This creates a vicious cycle that feeds back on itself, creating more fear, insecurity, and disconnection.

Having a negative cycle is deeply unsettling and even scary. The good news is, it’s also deeply human to fall into a negative cycle with our loved one. What’s more, cycles can be broken.

In EFT, we normalize these communication behaviors while also compassionately observing the damage they can inadvertently cause. With the help of a skilled couples therapist like myself, we can slow down the vicious cycle and get in touch with the honest, vulnerable parts of ourselves that deep down we long for our partners to understand. When the negative cycle comes up in session, you will have my help to catch it and to do things differently. The more we practice catching the cycle, slowing down, and opening up in session, the better you will get at doing it outside of session, too.

Frequently Asked Questions

I have advanced training in Emotionally-Focused Therapy and am Gottman Level 1 certified. Sessions with me lean heavily on EFT. I also incorporate existentialism and anti-oppression into my work - asking the big questions about how relationships intersect with meaning in life, and how systems of oppression can disrupt our connection with our partners.
EFT is what’s called a “systemic” therapy. Systems theory has been applied in many spaces, from psychotherapy to physics. Systems theory describes breakdown in terms of the process that occurs between members of the system. In other words, an EFT therapist like myself does not take sides, does not blame, does not make one party at fault - instead, I see the breakdown as occurring in the dance that both parties inadvertently engage in. The exception to this stance is in an abusive relationship, in which case the victim’s safety is a priority.
Sessions are priced according to the therapist’s experience, training, average city prices, and the session length. Couples therapy sessions are frequently 80 minutes long (instead of 55) in order to adequately process two peoples’ experiences. My rate for an 80-minute couples therapy sessions is $240. I offer superbills for potential insurance reimbursement. I have an Open Path profile where couples who qualify can access a reduced rate for my services (see my Open Path profile for more information).
EFT reaches the gold standard of research support set out by institutions such as the American Psychological Association research institution. For more than 30 years, the EFT research program has systematically researched all of the components of EFT that make it effective. Therapists such as myself have a wealth of knowledge on what works in therapy, and why, so we can help you improve your communication with precision. Learn more at https://iceeft.com/eft-research-3/
Getting started is simple. Reach out through our contact form or click on the “schedule” buttons found throughout the website. This will send you to my calendar where you can schedule a free, 30-minute informational with me to ask me any further questions you might have about working together.